Saturday, December 15, 2007

Addicted To Internet Porn

Signs your partner is addicted to internet porn.

  • During foreplay, she's always double-clicking your G-Spot.
  • Her new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a wireless modem, and a tissue dispenser.
  • When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll Down."
  • Tells everyone she's a pioneer in "palm computing."
  • She's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.
  • Her favorite actor? Tommy Lee.
  • When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on her."
  • You look deep into her eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera burned into her corneas.
  • As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his birthday.
  • During sex, she shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"
  • Her version of foreplay: You lie naked on the bed with a sheet covering you.. she pulls it down slowly for ten minutes.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Grandma In Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you fucking idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."



Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Sulit Sa Saya Raffle 3 - Holiday Raffle

In celebration of the Holiday Seasons, we are happy to present to all our members Sulit Sa Saya Raffle 3 - Holiday Raffle where you have a chance to win any of the following prizes:

* 1st Prize: (1) - Brand New Apple Ipod Touch (8GB)
* 2nd Prize: (1) - Brand New Nokia 5310 XpressMusic Cellphone
* 3rd Prize: (1) - Brand New Sony PSP-2000 (Slim Version)
* 4th Prize: (10) - 5000 Sulit Currencies (SC)


How to Join the Raffle
All Sulit.com.ph Members can join the raffle. To join, you only have to earn raffle entries and more raffle entries mean more chances of winning our exciting prizes.

Join Now!

Rules of the Raffle

  • Earning of points for raffle entries are from December 3, 2007 until January 4, 2008
  • Raffle Draw will be on January 6, 2008
  • You must be an existing and active member of Sulit.com.ph (register here)
  • You must be a Filipino citizen residing in the Philippines
  • You must not be related to any of the staff of Sulit.com.ph Team up to 2nd degree
  • You must only have 1 member account here in Sulit.com.ph
  • There is no limit to the number of points that you can earn
  • A member can only win once. For cases that a member wins more than once, that member will get the higher prize and a new winner will be drawn for the lower prize(s).


They Were Used To Sharing Everything

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's in NY, USA. On one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:

'Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!'

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - 'They were used to sharing everything.'

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, 'Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.

What is it that you are waiting for?'

She answered, The Teeth.


Monday, December 10, 2007

Discover the hidden meaning in your name

Junard

Saturday, December 8, 2007

10 Minutes Of Staring at Boobs Daily Prolongs Man's Life by 5 Years...

Listen, guys, now we know why Pamela Anderson made her transplants: to make us healthier. "Angels of mercy" like Jordan just prolong our life and Hugh Hefner knows it.

A German research published in New England Journal of Medicine and Weekly World News said that men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

"Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the boob oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommended that men aged over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

She said that this was as healthy as going to the gym for 30 minutes daily and prolonged a man's life by five years.

"We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years." said Weatherby.

This is indeed a very serious reason for men to enjoy without shame those midnight TV shows, download low-budget women-in-prison movies and collect such instructive and health beneficial magazines like Playboy and Hustler.


* Milk with unbeatable container ^_^\m/

Monday, December 3, 2007

Activision Blizzard?!

In a surprising and wholly unexpected Sunday announcement, Blizzard Entertainment owner Vivendi Games announced that it will be merging its assets and studios with those of Activision.

Once the merger is complete, Activision will be known as Activision Blizzard, with Vivendi Games operating as a wholly owned subsidiary. The new company is said to have "the highest operating margins of any major third-party video game publisher," with an estimated $3.8 billion in "pro forma combined calendar 2007 revenues."

Former Vivendi Games parent company Vivendi will hold a majority stake, approximately 52%, of Activision Blizzard. Vivendi-designated representatives will also occupy a majority of the new company's board of directors. The board will consist of 11 members: 6 appointed by Vivendi, 2 from Activision, and 3 independent directors who currently serve on Acitivsion's board.

According to the press release, Vivendi Games is currently worth $8.1 billion, and Vivendi is pouring an addition $1.7 billion of cash into the transaction. In all, the deal is said to be valued at $18.9 billion.

"Blizzard's industry-leading PC games business, with a track record of nine consecutive bestsellers and a global subscriber base of more than 9.3 million World of Warcraft players, is an exceptional fit for Activision's highly profitable console games business," said Blizzard president and CEO Mike Morhaime.

"From our interactions with the Activision team, it is clear we have much in common in terms of our approaches to game development and publishing," Morhaime continued. "Above all, we are looking forward to continue creating great games for Blizzard gamers around the world, and we believe this new partnership will help us to do that even better than before."

Activision Blizzard FAQ

Q: What are the details of the deal?
A: Under the terms of an agreement with Vivendi, Blizzard and the other companies that make up Vivendi Games will combine with Activision to form a new public company called Activision Blizzard. We do not anticipate any difference in Blizzard’s operations as a result of the combination. Joining forces with Activision will create a stronger and more diversified company that we anticipate will benefit and strengthen both brands.

Q: What will happen to the Blizzard brand name?
A: The Blizzard brand name will stay the same as it’s always been: Blizzard Entertainment, Inc.

Q: What will change with regard to the day-to-day operations at Blizzard?
A: There will be no changes in the way Blizzard operates. All of the people, processes, and philosophies that have made Blizzard so successful will be preserved. Blizzard will benefit from all-star sales and distribution teams to service our products. In addition, the combined company will be stronger financially, managerially, and operationally.

Q: How will this impact Blizzard’s games?
A: This will not impact Blizzard’s games. We remain committed to providing the same high-quality game content and support that we always have. Development on Wrath of the Lich King and StarCraft II, as well as on our unannounced games, is continuing as normal.

Q: Will there be any visible differences in Blizzard’s logo or packaging/marketing materials as a result of this deal?
A: No, there won’t be any changes to our company name, logo, packaging/marketing materials, or anything else along those lines.

Q: Will there be any management changes at Blizzard as a result of this deal?
A: No, there won’t be any management changes at Blizzard as a result of the combination.

Q: Will Activision and Blizzard now share development teams?
A: No, both of our companies will continue to operate as they have previously with regard to game development.

Q: Will the release schedules for any Blizzard games be impacted?
A: No, the transaction will not have any impact on our games, our day-to-day operations, or our release timelines.

Q: Will any of Blizzard’s offices close as a result of the deal? Or, will any new offices open?
A: No, all of our offices will continue to function as they have, and we don’t foresee the need to open any new offices for the time being.


Q: Will any employees move to different offices as a result of the deal?
A: We don’t anticipate making any such moves as a result of the deal.

Q: Does this deal include Activision’s and Blizzard’s international offices?
A: Yes, every part of our companies in the U.S. and abroad is involved in this deal.

Q: If Activision Blizzard is a public company, does that mean I’ll now be able to buy stock in Blizzard?
A: Activision will be renamed Activision Blizzard, Inc and will continue to be a publicly listed company traded on NASDAQ. You will be able to buy stock in the combined company.

Q: When will the transaction be complete?
A: The transaction is subject to approval of Activision shareholders, customary closing conditions, and regulatory approvals. Pending approval, the companies expect the transaction to be completed by mid 2008.